I'm trying to be a bigger, better person. I've got a goal set in mind, and I'm working on it, though today, I wasn't very good about it.
I don't know how to feel about anything right now. I just feel like I'm stuck in a place where I can't get out. I'm cranky. I'm aggravated. I'm happy. I am sad. I'm okay. I don't know what my deal is.
I'm aggravated. I'm tired of the way i see people treating each other. I am so sick of being around selfish people. I'm tired of watching people take advantage of each other. I hate being lied to..
Nothing else to say. I'm working on decreasing negativity.... just don't know how yet...
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Tuesday, August 17, 2010
People.
I really am not always a cranky person. I lack patience and tolerance--that is my problem. I, also, can not stand ignorant people. I hate when people put their nose in where it doesn't belong. When all of these things are combined and I'm around it... then yes, I am cranky. But, I'm really typically a happy go lucky type of girl, not this cranky person.
I'll probably delete my blog again. I'm not really sure why I have this. Anyway, I had to get it off my chest that I'm not always cranky.
I'll probably delete my blog again. I'm not really sure why I have this. Anyway, I had to get it off my chest that I'm not always cranky.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
Positivity
So, one of my goals was to blog at least once a month, and I've obviously failed again. I think July was the third month I skipped!! (Of course, it wouldn't be a huge deal if it wasn't since January!) I was thrilled with July ending though, despite August looking like it's going to be a hectic month.
I have needed to get this off my chest and I feel like if I blog it, I might be able to more eloquently express my feelings. On July 8th (a Thursday), I found I was on pregnant. I wasn't excited as I should have been. I was nervous about having Harper only 22 months older than any future siblings. I was worried about school and about money...but by Sunday, I was thrilled and happy. I have enough faith in life and Nick and I to know that we can make anything work. And, though I knew it would be a little tighter financially, we'd make it and our children would be best friends. However, the next day (July 12), I had a miscarriage. I was okay at first. Mentally and for the most part physically, I was okay. Again, I know things happen for a reason. Plus, with Harper, how do I have the time to be sad or to acknowledge any kind of discomfort? However, the next day it started to hit me. Though, only at night...and of course, like most women who have been in my position, I blamed myself. Was it because I dropped caffeine right away? Is it because I was still nursing Harper? Was it because I wasn't as excited at first as I should have been? I know ( okay, I don't, but I really hope) that it was none of those things. I like to believe that who ever is upstairs has a plan, and that is part of it.
Anyway, things seem to be better. My heart is healing. I wonder what people think though. I mean, I only knew I was pregnant for 4.5 days---do I have the right to feel this sad? Should I be this sad? Could I have stopped this? Do people think I'm making a big deal about this? I am sure that some people thought I was being dramatic on facebook. I was posting that I was sad/broken hearted, but I wasn't really saying what was going on. It just hurt too much to talk about it--and so only a few close friends knew besides our immediately family.
Along with this, Nick had long month with work, school, and homework. So, July pretty much sucked. August has been better, aside from the car deciding to have a breakdown this month. Last week, the battery died. Today, the car got a flat tire. Thankfully, I was less than a quarter of a mile from my house. A couple of other things are going to make a stink in my month, but I'm determined to make August better than July and September better than August. I'm going to try my hardest to be positive about everything. I'm determined to increase my level of positivity.
I looked at about 10 quotes on positivity...and I liked these, so I'm going to share them.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” Swedish Proverb
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson
Until next time.... ( when I, of course, have an upbeat, super happy post!!)
I have needed to get this off my chest and I feel like if I blog it, I might be able to more eloquently express my feelings. On July 8th (a Thursday), I found I was on pregnant. I wasn't excited as I should have been. I was nervous about having Harper only 22 months older than any future siblings. I was worried about school and about money...but by Sunday, I was thrilled and happy. I have enough faith in life and Nick and I to know that we can make anything work. And, though I knew it would be a little tighter financially, we'd make it and our children would be best friends. However, the next day (July 12), I had a miscarriage. I was okay at first. Mentally and for the most part physically, I was okay. Again, I know things happen for a reason. Plus, with Harper, how do I have the time to be sad or to acknowledge any kind of discomfort? However, the next day it started to hit me. Though, only at night...and of course, like most women who have been in my position, I blamed myself. Was it because I dropped caffeine right away? Is it because I was still nursing Harper? Was it because I wasn't as excited at first as I should have been? I know ( okay, I don't, but I really hope) that it was none of those things. I like to believe that who ever is upstairs has a plan, and that is part of it.
Anyway, things seem to be better. My heart is healing. I wonder what people think though. I mean, I only knew I was pregnant for 4.5 days---do I have the right to feel this sad? Should I be this sad? Could I have stopped this? Do people think I'm making a big deal about this? I am sure that some people thought I was being dramatic on facebook. I was posting that I was sad/broken hearted, but I wasn't really saying what was going on. It just hurt too much to talk about it--and so only a few close friends knew besides our immediately family.
Along with this, Nick had long month with work, school, and homework. So, July pretty much sucked. August has been better, aside from the car deciding to have a breakdown this month. Last week, the battery died. Today, the car got a flat tire. Thankfully, I was less than a quarter of a mile from my house. A couple of other things are going to make a stink in my month, but I'm determined to make August better than July and September better than August. I'm going to try my hardest to be positive about everything. I'm determined to increase my level of positivity.
I looked at about 10 quotes on positivity...and I liked these, so I'm going to share them.
“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” Swedish Proverb
“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill
“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson
Until next time.... ( when I, of course, have an upbeat, super happy post!!)
Sunday, June 13, 2010
I've got to change my ways.
I'm going to start "logging" my exercise/food habits on here. I've got to hold myself accountable and change my ways. I don't want to have heart disease. I don't want to be overweight anymore. I don't want to see fatty mcfatterson when i look in the mirror. As Harper starts to walk, I want to chase her, I want to run up hills after her, and I want to see her children's children. So i'm going to start walking/running again. I'm going to eat better and I'm going to kick soda's habit cold turkey. I did a 1 mile today with Harper ( Harper weighs 24lbs, and I believe my jogging stroller is 26lbs. So, I'd say pushing 50lbs--that's not TOO bad. Next, I'll be cleaning out the pantry.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Oops.
Crap, another month slipped by without an entry in this damn blog.. Oopsies. Life has been hectic, I guess. We finally bought a house and we moved in and with school and Harper growing up, I really don't sit down and think to blog. I just watch life flash by.
I can't believe my baby is almost 1.
And though I'd like to say more, that's all I've got right now. I've gotta focus on sustainable development and globalization right now.
I can't believe my baby is almost 1.
And though I'd like to say more, that's all I've got right now. I've gotta focus on sustainable development and globalization right now.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
Update on goals
So that I hold myself accountable!
From my blog:
1. Lose 25lbs
2. Run/walk a 5k.
3. Join some kind of exercise class/play group/moms group so that Harper and I can make friends. ((Accomplished--Mommy and Me swimming lessons start first week of January))
4. Buy a house **we close on April 15th!**
5. Graduate
6. Decide what I want to do when I "grow up"
7. Decide on grad school--determine where I want to go.
8. Buy new living room furniture.
9. Start saving for my super fancy formal dining room.
10. Paint all the rooms after #4 is accomplished. Make Harper’s room "hers"
11. Get a park membership.
12. Try to get a weekend away with Nick
13. Be done Christmas shopping by December 10, 2010.
14. Plan our 5 year anniversary/honeymoon trip for 2011
15. Start a couple more savings accounts.
16. Walk/run 2 or 3 times a week with Harper
17. Get a membership to the County Park.
18. Digi-scrap or hand scrap Harper's first year of life.
19. Get rid of all clothes I haven't worn in over a year.
20. Continue to go the library--read 15 books for fun this year. (aiming very low due to heavy course load @ school) **on book #4**
21. 4.0 for school
22. Send a 'thinking of you' card to an unexpecting friend each month (01/10-sent) (2/10-sent) (3/10 sent)
23. Set a routine/schedule and stick to it.
24. Update my blog a couple times a month " lostinrambles.blogspot.com* **didn't update at all in Feb**
25. Finish baby blankets I started before I was even pregnant with Harper.
26. learn to crochet
27. Crochet a baby blanket.
28. Stop using plastic/paper bags at grocery store...use my eco-friendly reusable bags.
29. Start paying on student loans.
30. If #4 is accomplished, plant flowers and landscape the house.
31. Cook one new meal every 2 weeks
32. Volunteer somewhere
33. Grow my hair out to at least
34. Do one thing for myself a month
35. Encourage and support Nick's half marathon/marathon dreams.
36. Work on being a better wife.
37. Plan a surprise for Nick and don't tell him about it.
38. Send a couple of care packages to our friends stationed overseas.
39. Take Harper to story time at least once a month.
40. Register to vote in Wisconsin.
41. Get my tattoo fixed
42. Go to a cardinals game in Milwaukee (april 9th)
43. Go to a Cardinals game in St. Louis
44. Take Harper to St. Louis to visit at least 3 times. (one visit down!)
45. Go to Chicago for the weekend.
46. If Green Bay plays in St. Louis, buy Nick tickets to see them play.
47. Actually use my calendar and planner! * so far so good*
48. Find a hobby for Nick and I do together.
49. Take a class for fun.
From my blog:
1. Lose 25lbs
2. Run/walk a 5k.
3. Join some kind of exercise class/play group/moms group so that Harper and I can make friends. ((Accomplished--Mommy and Me swimming lessons start first week of January))
4. Buy a house **we close on April 15th!**
5. Graduate
6. Decide what I want to do when I "grow up"
7. Decide on grad school--determine where I want to go.
8. Buy new living room furniture.
9. Start saving for my super fancy formal dining room.
10. Paint all the rooms after #4 is accomplished. Make Harper’s room "hers"
11. Get a park membership.
12. Try to get a weekend away with Nick
13. Be done Christmas shopping by December 10, 2010.
14. Plan our 5 year anniversary/honeymoon trip for 2011
15. Start a couple more savings accounts.
16. Walk/run 2 or 3 times a week with Harper
17. Get a membership to the County Park.
18. Digi-scrap or hand scrap Harper's first year of life.
19. Get rid of all clothes I haven't worn in over a year.
20. Continue to go the library--read 15 books for fun this year. (aiming very low due to heavy course load @ school) **on book #4**
21. 4.0 for school
22. Send a 'thinking of you' card to an unexpecting friend each month (01/10-sent) (2/10-sent) (3/10 sent)
23. Set a routine/schedule and stick to it.
24. Update my blog a couple times a month " lostinrambles.blogspot.com* **didn't update at all in Feb**
25. Finish baby blankets I started before I was even pregnant with Harper.
26. learn to crochet
27. Crochet a baby blanket.
28. Stop using plastic/paper bags at grocery store...use my eco-friendly reusable bags.
29. Start paying on student loans.
30. If #4 is accomplished, plant flowers and landscape the house.
31. Cook one new meal every 2 weeks
32. Volunteer somewhere
33. Grow my hair out to at least
34. Do one thing for myself a month
35. Encourage and support Nick's half marathon/marathon dreams.
36. Work on being a better wife.
37. Plan a surprise for Nick and don't tell him about it.
38. Send a couple of care packages to our friends stationed overseas.
39. Take Harper to story time at least once a month.
40. Register to vote in Wisconsin.
41. Get my tattoo fixed
42. Go to a cardinals game in Milwaukee (april 9th)
43. Go to a Cardinals game in St. Louis
44. Take Harper to St. Louis to visit at least 3 times. (one visit down!)
45. Go to Chicago for the weekend.
46. If Green Bay plays in St. Louis, buy Nick tickets to see them play.
47. Actually use my calendar and planner! * so far so good*
48. Find a hobby for Nick and I do together.
49. Take a class for fun.
Friendship
There is this corny card out there that says, "The best type of ship is a friendship." However, I think I'm stuck on a canoe, alone, by myself in the midst of the Pacific Ocean. I don't mean to feel sorry for myself, but I unfortunately have been A LOT lately. I have a handful of friends, a few of them which *I THINK* I am fairly close with. I feel like some of my friendships are pretty one sided though or rather I think the friendship is better than the other person thinks.
I don't think I'd feel so lousy about the circumstances, if I didn't feel like such a loser. It has been hard for me to go from a military community to NOT knowing a single person up here, other than Nick's family. I was lucky, i had some pretty awesome friends and it was so easy to make friends when Nick was attached to a boat.
I should go do some home work or something, instead of feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully, the next time I blog, I have something better to say!
I don't think I'd feel so lousy about the circumstances, if I didn't feel like such a loser. It has been hard for me to go from a military community to NOT knowing a single person up here, other than Nick's family. I was lucky, i had some pretty awesome friends and it was so easy to make friends when Nick was attached to a boat.
I should go do some home work or something, instead of feeling sorry for myself. Hopefully, the next time I blog, I have something better to say!
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