Positivity

So, one of my goals was to blog at least once a month, and I've obviously failed again. I think July was the third month I skipped!! (Of course, it wouldn't be a huge deal if it wasn't since January!) I was thrilled with July ending though, despite August looking like it's going to be a hectic month.

I have needed to get this off my chest and I feel like if I blog it, I might be able to more eloquently express my feelings. On July 8th (a Thursday), I found I was on pregnant. I wasn't excited as I should have been. I was nervous about having Harper only 22 months older than any future siblings. I was worried about school and about money...but by Sunday, I was thrilled and happy. I have enough faith in life and Nick and I to know that we can make anything work. And, though I knew it would be a little tighter financially, we'd make it and our children would be best friends. However, the next day (July 12), I had a miscarriage. I was okay at first. Mentally and for the most part physically, I was okay. Again, I know things happen for a reason. Plus, with Harper, how do I have the time to be sad or to acknowledge any kind of discomfort? However, the next day it started to hit me. Though, only at night...and of course, like most women who have been in my position, I blamed myself. Was it because I dropped caffeine right away? Is it because I was still nursing Harper? Was it because I wasn't as excited at first as I should have been? I know ( okay, I don't, but I really hope) that it was none of those things. I like to believe that who ever is upstairs has a plan, and that is part of it.

Anyway, things seem to be better. My heart is healing. I wonder what people think though. I mean, I only knew I was pregnant for 4.5 days---do I have the right to feel this sad? Should I be this sad? Could I have stopped this? Do people think I'm making a big deal about this? I am sure that some people thought I was being dramatic on facebook. I was posting that I was sad/broken hearted, but I wasn't really saying what was going on. It just hurt too much to talk about it--and so only a few close friends knew besides our immediately family.

Along with this, Nick had long month with work, school, and homework. So, July pretty much sucked. August has been better, aside from the car deciding to have a breakdown this month. Last week, the battery died. Today, the car got a flat tire. Thankfully, I was less than a quarter of a mile from my house. A couple of other things are going to make a stink in my month, but I'm determined to make August better than July and September better than August. I'm going to try my hardest to be positive about everything. I'm determined to increase my level of positivity.


I looked at about 10 quotes on positivity...and I liked these, so I'm going to share them.


“Fear less, hope more; Eat less, chew more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Love more, and all good things will be yours” Swedish Proverb

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill

“Once you replace negative thoughts with positive ones, you'll start having positive results.” Willie Nelson


Until next time.... ( when I, of course, have an upbeat, super happy post!!)